finally broke down and got a paid VPN. so far, so good.
so everything has changed in the past year and a half, and yet absolutely nothing has. i looked at some of my older posts on here after posting earlier tonight on my alternate, "bitching" blog and noticed that what i wrote tonight was almost exactly the same as what i wrote on here a couple of years ago...only slightly more depressing.
headed back to Fuzhou tomorrow. not especially excited about it. kind of worried, considering nothing is for certain there. don't want to be there at all, but i am suddenly, unexpectedly in desperate need of a job. so i get to pack for possibly 25 days and ride a train for at least 5 hours into the undesirable unknown.
we shall see what happens.
recently got involved with someone (now i am kind of wishing that i hadn't let myself--there are reasons that i stay single and unattached...but even the best of us with the best intentions slip up from time to time) that has decided that i am far too negative.
i think once upon a time i was positive...just taken so many effing hard knocks lately that i seem to have lost it.
i want it back, but i seem to be blind to the light at the end of the tunnel. or simply disbelieving that it actually exists at all.
took the bus home after having a very late lunch/early dinner with afore mentioned guy. maybe 3 or 4 stops after i got on, a bunch of people boarded. there already weren't any seats left (gotta love overpopulation) so several guys made their way to stand in the back. one guy shoved past another and all of a sudden it was an all-out brawling fist fight. totally scary. after talking about loss of breathing over the meal, i ended up having to see one guy choking another literally right in front of me--one had the other laid out across the top of the seats in front of me. one poor girl got hit hard in the back and burst into tears. it was ridiculous.
this isn't the first instance of violence on buses that i have witnessed here. once it was even directed at me. why are people so crazy?
sheesh. it's going on 4am now. guess i should stop procrastinating about filling my suitcase and get over my disappointment but lack of surprise at not hearing from someone tonight.
have to accept my exile tomorrow. at least that's what it feels like.
but before that, maybe i can give myself a tiny bit of an ego boost by posting some photos a friend of mine took of me for my birthday back in november. hopefully one day i'll get my hands on the rest of them (well, when i finally buy a much-needed external hard drive, that is)
