blah blah blah

time is going too slowly and too quickly at the exact same time. i had to go to hong kong a couple of weeks ago to get a new visa. it was totally all last minute and wiped out what little money i had. thankfully that part is all over.

unfortunately, they would only give me a 30-day visa. so now i have to try to get it extended here in hangzhou...which of course means that i have to pay YET AGAIN.

i am crossing my fingers that it will go through. i just need one to let me stay here until i go back to louisville in a little less than 2 months...where hopefully i can fill out the papers correctly and get my diploma and school records...and then hopefully be able to get a work or resident visa. i am tired of this bs.

i keep finding new things here.

neo is still on my mind a lot...though i have not speant any time alone with him in well over a month...maybe even well on its way to being 2 months.

i did randomly get to see him over the weekend...and then again randomly last night.

i had sent him a message just saying that i still miss him. he sent me one back and then called, asking when i wanted to see him. i was rather surprised...but happy.

ended up going to In Club because he said that he was there. kind of ditched antonia a bit...i took her with me to In, but when she wanted to go to reggae, i told her that i was staying.

antonia is mostly sweet...and i know that she means well...but at the same time, i have discovered that she just drives me fucking nuts. she is SO needy and clingy...and she doesn't really think. which friday night bordered on creating an incredibly obnoxious, unnecessary situation. i do not want to constantly have to baby-sit anyone that i hang out with.

i think that while i occasionally crave close friends...i will always be a loner at heart. i do not want to have to keep track of other people when i go out. they should be able to do their own thing. i mean, shit, if i am going to the bar to get a drink in a place that is incredibly fucking crowded, and your drink is full...don't follow me to the bar! it is unnecessary and ridiculous...i mean, i will be back in all of five minutes! sheesh!

i even had a conversation on msn with her, because she is calling em or messaging me almost every night for a week asking if i want to have dinner with her. she cannot even fucking handle eating alone! i told her that in this life...many of us are often alone. it would maybe do her good to try to become comfortable with being alone. she thought that was an incredibly ridiculous idea.
she also says that she is always making the same mistakes with guys that she gets into supposed relationships with. i suggested that maybe the reason why she rushes into these things is because she does not seem to ever want to be alone. that maybe she wouldn't rush into things with people she barely knows...and ending up miserable...if she could try to find ways of being happier alone. she also thought this was just plain preposterous.

i can no longer have any sympathy for her...nor do i want to hear about her "bad luck" with men...she says that she knows she keeps making the same mistake...solicits my advice, than pretty much calls me an idiot. i think the girl is going to have to stay at acquaintence level.

so even though i didn't really get to see just him, i had a fucking fantastic time friday night. but i do find myself almost just staring at him without realizing it. i feel like a fucking idiot. i do not want to have feelings like this for someone that i cannot even really communicate with. there is so much i want to know about him and talk with him about. and i cannot fucking do it. shit...it will probably be YEARS before i can... it sucks beyond comprehension.

their new place is hella cool. total cali. warehouse feel to me. i am so jealous.

i seriously need to get some art back iin my life. it has just been extremely too long since i have really created anything. it has gotten to be increasingly painful not doing so.

i think that next year will be really good. i could be proven wrong...but i have a slight feeling. in the very least, soon i get to go to louisville...which means getting to have my clothes and shoes here when i come back, among other things, getting a direly needed good haircut...that will hopefully grow out well...getting more of my photos and negatives here...and seeing people that i sorely miss.

for now, i just have to get through the holiday next week--hopefully i will be getting paid a little sometime soon, so that i can spend a bit during my week off---and then getting through 3 solid weeks of training in shanghai.

we shall se how it goes...as always.